A lot has been said and told about motherhood in various anecdotes, books, stories, and expressed through other means of communication. Even millennial fathers are outspoken and discuss or feel ecstatic when spoken about fatherhood. Where motherhood is overhyped and fatherhood is underrated, the most neglected part of this life chapter is "parenthood".
Yes, parenthood is all about the joint efforts of both parents to nurture the child. They say it takes a village to raise a child. Apparently, it is true, but who mostly shows up at night to calm the crying baby? No one, it's only you and your partner. Who looks after the essential chores to be done for the baby? Be it feeding, bathing, diaper time, potty training, or the rest of the things.
The village, or mostly the people around your baby, will show up mostly to play with the baby when the baby is done with all the basics. When the baby is fresh and in a playful mood, then is the time when other people step in just to play with the happy baby. Be it grandparents, uncles, aunts, or cousins.
It is just you and your partner managing the essentials for the baby, for the family as a whole. This journey of parenthood starts right from the day you conceive. Be prepared for it. Take joint sessions on parenting. Nobody talks about the joint efforts of parents in parenting. Why only one becomes the incharge of the baby's needs and takes responsibility for everything? Be each other's confidant.
So, it is always the joint efforts of the parents that stick together in this journey and be each other's support system. So dear parents, especially mothers, as you are the ones who are micro-managing everything for the family. Ask for help. Communicate about your feelings. What is to be done, how it is to be done, how to delegate tasks, and who will do what based on who can do it in the most apt manner. There is no perfection in raising a child. In other words, who can do what needs to be done, and when.
What is actually exhausting is managing the baby's schedule. The never-ending checklists. Yes, so stick together when it comes to looking after the baby's essential needs:
1) Feeding is just one word, but to mothers, it actually means something else. A chain of thought process that keeps on going for various things that are to be incorporated in the diet of a child.
(Fed properly, calorie intake, balanced diet, fruits, food rotation, freshly homemade food, healthy, right amount of nutrition, not stored in the refrigerator for long, cooked properly, and whatnot...)
Trust me, this comes naturally as mothers are nurturers, whether a mom is a homemaker or a working mother. This becomes a concern even for a mother who doesn't know how to cook. No matter how bad you are at cooking, you start gathering information on food, diet, nutrition, vitamins, minerals, and calories essential for the growth and adequate development of your child. However, let fathers take charge too. Involve them in the process. Let them cook, learn, make mistakes, and let your child give feedback. They, too, can feed. Trust me on this. Open room for joint efforts in parenting together by sharing each other's load. You cook, I feed, you clean, I keep. Make things easy for each other.
2) Adequate Sleep sounds like a happy sleeping baby is the nicest term ever, but for mothers, it is: did the baby wake up in the middle of the night, did the baby cry due to bedwetting, is the baby hungry, is there any disturbance, maybe a nightmare, or even a snoring husband. Nothing should come between the deep and sound sleep of a baby. It must be a pin-drop silence in and around the baby's sleeping vicinity.
3) Timely Diaper change: The most disgusting yet most frustrating thing for a mother because your child must not develop a diaper rash. The smell of a baby's shit or the cry of a baby to change the diaper has just become the most important task. Not even the deadline of any project can match it. If it's an after-poop cry, the diaper must be changed within seconds. The child cannot be in a shitty diaper once the baby is done with it.
4) Play Time: Mostly, fathers engage with their children. They play with them, take them outdoors for games and parks, and try to match the kids' energy level. The mothers feel overwhelmed and exhausted, so they mostly choose to stay at home and cannot see their little daredevils dare outdoors, as they are always worried that they might hurt themselves and will not let them explore other possibilities. The mothers always try to protect, while fathers give them the sky to explore their potential.
5) And the list goes on...!! The endless list will always go on. Even when your child outgrows you.
So, here's the thing about the joint efforts of both parents. Sometimes, fathers need to step in, and sometimes mothers need to step back and trust the other gender. With kids come greater responsibilities. Break the chain of stereotypes. Set a greater example of involved parenting. Learning is an ongoing process in life, but when it comes to unlearning the gender roles deeply rooted and etched in our minds, we need to unlearn what's always been told and said. Rather, set your own parenting rules.
* Make goals as a parent - What to feed, what not to feed. Make a list that both will follow, and the rule goes for the other family members as well. (chocolates/ no chocolates, sugar/nosugar, packaged foods/ no packaged food) Take your call.
* Task distribution - Laundry, story time, bedtime, cooking, washing, bathing, outing, morning routines, lunchtime, and the list is never-ending; take turns. Who is present, who is not. Just take the time to delegate the task as per your schedules.
* Presence- Be on the same page as a parent for your kid. Do not let anyone influence your decision. Tell them, we will discuss and let you know. School trips, school activities, play dates. Decide together what is important. Participate and show your presence to your kids.
In the end, no matter how much you disagree to agree on a thing what to do and what not to do as a parent. Your child will remember the efforts that you put in raising your kid. They will remember your involvement and cherish the times spent together the most. They will not treat you as a liability when you grow old. They will learn to live life and understand the efforts of your parenting journey.
You will enable them with the most important life lesson of partnership and relationship. They will learn that marriage and relationships are all about love and responsibility shared together and nurtured with utmost care to create a family bond. It is not only mothers job, not only fathers job. Parenthood is a joint effort where both need to get involved in kids' lives to let him/her thrive.
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