Motherhood vs. Fatherhood vs. Parenthood

A lot has been said and told about motherhood in various anecdotes, books, stories, and expressed through other means of communication. Even millennial fathers are outspoken and discuss or feel ecstatic when spoken about fatherhood. Where motherhood is overhyped and fatherhood is underrated, the most neglected part of this life chapter is "parenthood". 

Yes, parenthood is all about the joint efforts of both parents to nurture the child. They say it takes a village to raise a child. Apparently, it is true, but who mostly shows up at night to calm the crying baby? No one, it's only you and your partner. Who looks after the essential chores to be done for the baby? Be it feeding, bathing, diaper time, potty training, or the rest of the things. 

The village, or mostly the people around your baby, will show up mostly to play with the baby when the baby is done with all the basics. When the baby is fresh and in a playful mood, then is the time when other people step in just to play with the happy baby. Be it grandparents, uncles, aunts, or cousins. 

It is just you and your partner managing the essentials for the baby, for the family as a whole. This journey of parenthood starts right from the day you conceive. Be prepared for it. Take joint sessions on parenting. Nobody talks about the joint efforts of parents in parenting. Why only one becomes the incharge of the baby's needs and takes responsibility for everything? Be each other's confidant. 

So, it is always the joint efforts of the parents that stick together in this journey and be each other's support system. So dear parents, especially mothers, as you are the ones who are micro-managing everything for the family. Ask for help. Communicate about your feelings. What is to be done, how it is to be done, how to delegate tasks, and who will do what based on who can do it in the most apt manner. There is no perfection in raising a child. In other words, who can do what needs to be done, and when.

What is actually exhausting is managing the baby's schedule. The never-ending checklists. Yes, so stick together when it comes to looking after the baby's essential needs: 

1) Feeding is just one word, but to mothers, it actually means something else. A chain of thought process that keeps on going for various things that are to be incorporated in the diet of a child.  

(Fed properly, calorie intake, balanced diet, fruits, food rotation, freshly homemade food, healthy, right amount of nutrition, not stored in the refrigerator for long, cooked properly, and whatnot...) 

Trust me, this comes naturally as mothers are nurturers, whether a mom is a homemaker or a working mother. This becomes a concern even for a mother who doesn't know how to cook. No matter how bad you are at cooking, you start gathering information on food, diet, nutrition, vitamins, minerals, and calories essential for the growth and adequate development of your child. However, let fathers take charge too. Involve them in the process. Let them cook, learn, make mistakes, and let your child give feedback. They, too, can feed. Trust me on this. Open room for joint efforts in parenting together by sharing each other's load. You cook, I feed, you clean, I keep. Make things easy for each other. 

2) Adequate Sleep sounds like a happy sleeping baby is the nicest term ever, but for mothers, it is: did the baby wake up in the middle of the night, did the baby cry due to bedwetting, is the baby hungry, is there any disturbance, maybe a nightmare, or even a snoring husband. Nothing should come between the deep and sound sleep of a baby. It must be a pin-drop silence in and around the baby's sleeping vicinity. 

3) Timely Diaper change: The most disgusting yet most frustrating thing for a mother because your child must not develop a diaper rash. The smell of a baby's shit or the cry of a baby to change the diaper has just become the most important task. Not even the deadline of any project can match it. If it's an after-poop cry, the diaper must be changed within seconds. The child cannot be in a shitty diaper once the baby is done with it.  

4) Play Time: Mostly, fathers engage with their children. They play with them, take them outdoors for games and parks, and try to match the kids' energy level. The mothers feel overwhelmed and exhausted, so they mostly choose to stay at home and cannot see their little daredevils dare outdoors, as they are always worried that they might hurt themselves and will not let them explore other possibilities. The mothers always try to protect, while fathers give them the sky to explore their potential. 

5) And the list goes on...!! The endless list will always go on. Even when your child outgrows you.   

So, here's the thing about the joint efforts of both parents. Sometimes, fathers need to step in, and sometimes mothers need to step back and trust the other gender. With kids come greater responsibilities. Break the chain of stereotypes. Set a greater example of involved parenting. Learning is an ongoing process in life, but when it comes to unlearning the gender roles deeply rooted and etched in our minds, we need to unlearn what's always been told and said. Rather, set your own parenting rules. 

* Make goals as a parent - What to feed, what not to feed. Make a list that both will follow, and the rule goes for the other family members as well. (chocolates/ no chocolates, sugar/nosugar, packaged foods/ no packaged food) Take your call.

* Task distribution - Laundry, story time, bedtime, cooking, washing, bathing, outing, morning routines, lunchtime, and the list is never-ending; take turns. Who is present, who is not. Just take the time to delegate the task as per your schedules. 

* Presence- Be on the same page as a parent for your kid. Do not let anyone influence your decision. Tell them, we will discuss and let you know. School trips, school activities, play dates. Decide together what is important. Participate and show your presence to your kids.

In the end, no matter how much you disagree to agree on a thing what to do and what not to do as a parent. Your child will remember the efforts that you put in raising your kid. They will remember your involvement and cherish the times spent together the most. They will not treat you as a liability when you grow old. They will learn to live life and understand the efforts of your parenting journey. 

You will enable them with the most important life lesson of partnership and relationship. They will learn that marriage and relationships are all about love and responsibility shared together and nurtured with utmost care to create a family bond. It is not only mothers job, not only fathers job. Parenthood is a joint effort where both need to get involved in kids' lives to let him/her thrive. 

तुम्हारी तिश्नगी

क्या एहसास है तमको?

तुम्हारी तिश्नगी 

लुभाती है मेरे मन को, 

सुलगाती है मेरे तन को 

इठलाती, इतराती, 

मदमस्त यौवन मे 

हिचकोले खाती 

अंगड़ाईयाँ लेती 

तुम्हारी तिश्नगी 

लुभाती है मेरे मन को 

स्थिर करती मेरे चंचल चितवन को,  

तुम्हारी तिश्नगी लुभाती है मेरे मन को,  

तुम्हारा यूँ मेरे जिस्म को छूना 

कुछ तो रूहानी एहसास दिलाता है।  

तेरा मुझको यूँ चूमना, 

बाँहों में भरना, 

सीने से लगाना, 

अपना सा लगता है।  

मेरे सपनों में तुम्हारा होना, 

मेरी दुआओं में तुम्हारा होना, 

सबूत ही तो है 

मेरा तुम्हारा होना।। 

क्या एहसास है तमको?

©  दिशी मेहरोत्रा 

"Being Housewife Doesn't Mean Naukrani (Maid)"

Sometimes, I write about things that bother me. This is one venomous mentality seeding in the mind of so-called padhi-likhi (modern girls) (except exceptions) those who think being career oriented is so cool. Earning money is their only aim. And most importantly, running a family sitting at home idle is not their cup of tea. 

This piece of article is my brainchild and I staunchly believes in making a career, my own identity, loving and happy family plus I believe to achieve them altogether and let me remind you one thing the housewives are not at all sitting idle and just running a home. They work 24x7, 365 days without any leave. 

Dear modern girls aka padhi likhi career oriented girls, 

"Housewife doesn't mean naukrani (maid) " 

It means the female head of the household. 

Being in the role of "female head" of the household is not as easy as being the owner of the house.  

Let me clarify this to you girls. House owner or maybe the head of the family (generally male or partner in our society) of whose legally married wife (housewife) is equally the owner of the house, but it's not just about who owns the property or house. 

What it is being a housewife?

Being a housewife is way more difficult and tough task, which only a woman can do. It is a role that demands the sense of responsibility towards the each and every member of the family. 

Being a housewife is not a tag of naukrani aka maid. It is about taking the complete mechanism of the household into your hands. It is more of a management job. I would rather say more than that of a manager of a company. As manager manages only a few associates, but housewife manage and "fulfill" the demand of every house member. There is no room for trial and error, generating lead into client base, so on and so forth. What housewives do is far more superior than any of these tasks. They take care of the needs of every member without failing to fulfill every demand. 

It's a matter of a choice 

If a woman chooses to be a housewife, it is no less than a job of a CXO level. Indeed, being a CEO of a company is much easier than being in a position of a housewife. Being a housewife demands to perform many roles be it wife, mother, daughter, daughter in law, sister-in-law, and what not. Well, let me tell you, all these roles demand different skills and expertise, which only a housewife can fulfill. It is no less than jugglers juggling. They are supposed to do multitask at a time with utmost precision. They play many roles at a time. That too, without switching on to another job, without any resignation, or promotion. 

When in the role of wife, the housewife look after her husband manages his a-z things. 

When in a role of mother, she takes care of everything her baby demands. 

When as a daughter, she wants to be with her parents and be by their side always. 

When daughter in law, she look after and take care of every single thing they wish to comfort them. 

When sister-in-law, she is the best friend ever. 

Within such whirl of demanding relationships, her role is pivotal. It is just like the core or the heart that pumps blood to keep you alive. It is similar to that board of companies that make the employees and the companies adhere to company's growth & success. Similarly, she is the maker of the home. 

Her role is pivotal. 

She is the teacher, manager, CEO, chef, all in one. 

Doing all these stuff doesn't make you maid. Being a housewife is more than being at any reputable designation. 

So when anyone chooses to be a housewife, they are not just the acting head of the family. They are the executive, who works day and night without any pay. And, all they ask for is only love and respect with a pinch of care. 

Thus, dear modern girls do not see the role of a housewife as a mere role, or a woman sitting idle at home, or any derogatory position. It is more than any reputable designation in any MNC. 

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मैं मधुशाला

मैं मधुशाला,

तू मेरे रस का प्यासा प्याला...   

तेरी तृष्णा, बुझाये मेरा मेह्खाना। 

तू जोगी, ठहरा बंजारा  

तेरे गीत सूफ़ियाना 

तू डूबा किसी के इश्क़ में 

मैं रम्या तेरे इश्क़ में...

तेरा सजदा, मेरा कलमा 
तेरी दुआ, मेरी इबादत
तेरी शान, मेरी अज़ान

तू प्यासा, मैं रस का प्याला...

है जन्नत तेरी मौजूदगी 

है दोज़ख तेरी ग़ैरमौजुदगी 

ना कर मुझपे ये सितम 

है रुआंसा मेरा मेहखाना 

तेरी प्यासी मेरी मधुशाला...

रुसवा हुई है तेरी मोहब्बत 

मत तड़पा मुझे ऐ सनम 

चल अब छलका भी दे जाम 

देख आया है तेरे मेहबूब का पैग़ाम...

ख़ुदा की नहीं है मेहर तुझपे
कि आज फिर तू तनहा रोया है
मेरा महखाना भी तेरे साथ सोया है
तू प्यासा, मैं तेरे रस का प्याला।  

Delhi: A Paradise for Foodies

Delhi NCR is a place where you will find food at every ten steps, ten meters or ten minutes. I bet you will never starve to death in Delhi no matter how much you earn per day. Be it a street food, food courts, roll corner, metro arena, et al. You will find food everywhere or I would say anywhere, anytime. Be it snacks, complete meal, beverages, anything churmure (laai), groundnuts, corn, sweet corn, egg roll, veg roll, momos, chilli potato, chicken biryani, fish, roti, daal, paneer tikka, and what not. You name it and you will get it in Delhi and around.

Dahi wale golgappe

Restaurants, bars, clubs, malls and even at streets, everywhere you will get a quality food, quick service at reasonable rates. Though, you can also opt for expensive one's if feasible to you. You need not worry about your pocket. Whether you have king size pocket or if you have only a few bucks then also you can party, dine, and have a gala time. Only the difference will be the party place. That's it. Be it a road side, pool side, barbeque, five-star, or even your room party. 

Chocolate Pastry & Mango Shot (CCD)

From A to Z, you will get whatever you want. There is hardly any difference whether you walk to your food or you can choose to have your food at your doorstep. Online food services have taken over the place and the locals beat even Dominos and Pizza hut in the fastest home delivery. You place your order and you will get it in less than 30 minutes of time. Well, it is completely up to you. Some hang out with friends at these food spots and some takeaway parcels while some people place orders online.

Chinese, Indian, Italian, Continental, whatever you want in your breakfast, lunch, or dinner you can have it. The choice is completely yours. The tiffin services are at par excellence in Delhi. You just need to get in touch with the right person. And there you go. The culinary skills of the people into the tiffin business are at par excellence. In addition to that, you will always find it more than enough for you. Moreover, they also offer a sweet delicacy in their tiffins. 

Pizza (SBARRO)

However, if you are a single girl like I use to be there, then you can stuff yourself with some roll at roll corner or chilli potatoes will do a lot for you or a half plate of momos. You can gorge on anything, anywhere, anytime. Delhi and it's street food it a real treat to the people who are fond of eating and living in a PG or hostel. The streets of Delhi seems to be a heaven. The real ecstasy lies in the streets with numerous food joints. 

On this note, I would like to end and I really miss my daily dose of mouth-watering egg roll at Mayur Vihar Phase-I, CCD crossing...   :-(